What now?
by RicchanxMio
Summary: Set during PP2 (minor spoilers ahead!) Trying to win the world-championship of acapella while being an intern and maintaining a relationship is hard enough. I thought it couldn't get worse, but when that plastic stick smiled at me, I knew my whole life changed forever. The worst part? It didn't smile because of Jesse. Intersex Chloe - slight Jeca at the beginning.
1. Chapter 1

Hey there!  
This is my first try at a Bechloe multi-chapter. It's been plaguing my mind for quite some time and stopped me from continuing my other stories. I had to get it out of my head before I could continue with anything else.

I don't own anything except the mistakes (my first language isn't English).

I know, everyone requests a review. But I want you to tell me if you're interested in the story at all or if I should put it on hiatus right here. 

If you want me to continue it, further chapters may take some time because I'm busy with finales right now. But I should have all the time in the world afterwards.

Oh, and this part is **important:  
** 1\. This story contains cheating at the start, if you don't like it, you should stop right here.  
2\. One of the main characters is intersex. Meaning she is a girl but has male genitals. It's further described inside the story.  
3\. There will be a 'smut' scene later on, if you don't want to read it, I put these ' **X** 'above and beneath it, so you can just skip the part and continue reading.

So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy it! :)

* * *

I never thought I would be one of those girls. How could this happen?

We won the ICCA's _three_ times, gaining fame and everything we ever wished for as an acapella group. We are one big family, trusting each other without hesitation, always covering each other's backs.

I got the guy, everything finally fell into place and it seemed like I still could go to L.A. after finishing university. Everything was _fine_ , everything was _good.._ Until that one fateful birthday party. It wouldn't have mattered if it was anybody else, but it had to be the freaking _president_ of the united states. The show went well, we were all in tune, and then Amy's big solo came.. Every time we rehearsed it, nothing went wrong. Not one tiny, single problem occurred. _Never._  
I think I won't be able to forget that "rip" sound. It was the end of our performance and our perfect little bubble. But nothing prepared me for the things that awaited me a little later. Trust me, _nothing._

* * *

We were devastated, hoping that the little accident wouldn't have too dire consequences. When we were called to the principals office, I still thought that nothing bad would happen. Maybe we would get a lecture about being more careful, ruining such an important moment for ourselves. But when they told us we weren't allowed to compete anymore, I felt a few of my friends' worlds shatter. Especially Chloes.

Chloe Beale, the one who fell through Russian literature three times to stay a Bella. She always called us her family. I don't think I know anyone with a heart as big as hers. Sure, there's my boyfriend Jesse and he's definitely one of the nicest guys out there, but Chloe Beale was able to light a whole room up when she walked in. She simply smiled and everyone was putty at her feet. The probably sweetest thing about her is the fact that she's completely oblivious about these things.  
I swear I heard her heart crack when Gail and John told us about our fate. Her sweet, innocent, oblivious heart. I would have reached out to her, trying to spend some kind of comfort, but I was shell-shocked myself. I prepared myself for all kinds of punishments, but never _ever_ thought that something like this would happen.

When Chloe said something about winning the world championship of acapella and being allowed back in, I wasn't able to wrap my head around the idea for a few seconds, before realization dawned on me. If we won this world-thing, Chloe would be able to continue being a Bella, meaning that her dream could live on.

The rest of the conversation was kind of a blur, we tried to convince them that we were able to win the world championship. I have to admit that it irritated me when they started laughing. I mean, we were desperate at this point, and they just threw a whole freaking package of salt into our wounds.  
Not even I was that evil.

When we left the office, we swore that we would do anything we had to gain back our status. I was so confused, nothing made sense. And when my hopefully future boss called to actually confirm that I could start an internship, my head was a mess. I think I even said some really stupid things..

The Bellas met again later that night, trying to come up with a battle plan against some European group that replaced us. I don't think I have to mention that a lot of alcohol disappeared, but when my world started to get blurry and we continued doing shots, I felt myself get carried away, completely letting loose.

A patch of red hair stumbled into my side, arms clumsily crossing around my shoulders. I nearly lost my footing with the force of Chloes body slamming into me.

"Becs! I've been lookin for 'ya!"

Her speech was horribly slurred, but the little part of my brain that was still reasonable told me that I probably wasn't doing any better. A grin spread across my face as I returned Chloes hug, burying my nose into her neck. Her fruity smell engulfed me and I closed my eyes. I felt an odd sensation for a second, forgetting about it as fast as it appeared.

"I'm still so glad I met 'ya."

My arms tightened around the redheads waist, pulling her a little closer. "Me too Chlo, me too.."

She pulled back, holding my shoulders while studying me. Her brows furrowed, lips scrunched together, eyes squinted. Her face drew near, Chloe looked into my eyes intensely, her mouth opened to say something. A soft and slightly wet sensation met my lips clumsily and with a little bit too much force. My eyes widened the moment Chloes did the same. _What the hell just happened?!_ We pulled apart immediately, seeing Amy stumbling away.

"Sorry ginger, didn't see you there!"

My eyes met Chloes crystal blue ones before my gaze wandered down to the strange hammering sensation within my chest. Something soft and warm grazed my jaw before my chin was lifted up, Chloes index finger and thumb holding my head in place. Her eyes are filled with something I've never seen before, her cheeks slightly flushed. I feel her thumb stroking my lower lip before her eyes followed the motion, darting between her finger and my eyes. I can see her swallow before her tongue shot out, wetting her own lips. Is she leaning closer?

"I'm sorry, but I can't.."

That was the last thing my brain registered before Chloes lips met mine again. Her eyes are closed, her warm, soft lips slowly moving against my unresponsive ones. Her smell engulfed me once more before my brain shut down, I could feel her hot skin against my right palm as I lifted it, cupping her cheek gently. My lips are moving on their own accord. Chloe must have felt my response, because I could feel my back hitting the wall, her fingers leaving my chin, wandering around my neck. Her nails dug into my scalp the moment her body pressed up against mine. I can feel her other hand, playing with the hem of my shirt before it slipped slightly underneath, grabbing my waist. _Wrong! Stop!_ I can't.. It feels so good, my whole body is screaming for more. I can feel some kind of bulge pressing into my lower stomach. _Chloes appendage.._

I should explain that Chloe isn't normal. Okay, maybe that sounded a little harsh, but what I'm trying to say is that the redhead was born intersex. Meaning that she's a female but has male genitals. It often occurs that the parents decide at birth which sex their child should be. But Chloe once told me that it's not always working out the way it should and could complicate the person's life. Her parents always thought it would be best to let her choose who she wanted to be on her own, therefore never changed anything. Chloe said she's very thankful about it, because she probably wouldn't be happy otherwise. Not being able to decide who you want to be is a humiliation of human rights and something like that shouldn't be decided by anyone else than the affected person themselves. I can understand where she's coming from. It's just not fair to tell someone who they want to or should be. Being yourself is great, you don't have to squeeze yourself into the perfect role model, or the nice person someone wants you to be. Maybe you are a little sarcastic, sassy, rebellious, direct, special or the exact opposite. So what? If you're happy the way you are, you shouldn't change at all. Not for someone else and even less for someone who claims to love you. I mean, if they love you, they wouldn't want to change you, right? Chloe was raised like any other kid, maybe even better. Her parents always told her how important it is to never judge someone, everyone has a reason to be who they are. I think that attitude is one of the reasons we became friends. She never saw me as the sarcastic and moody alt-girl, she always wanted to know _me._ What's your favorite ice-cream? or why do you like to make music? These questions always showed me that she really cared, that she really wanted to be my friend. And here we are, three years later, being best friends. Who are still kissing each other..

A squeal from behind the redhead is breaking us apart. We are both panting, Chloe is studying my face uneasily before I can feel a small smile making its way onto my lips. She is mirroring the action instantly and I look behind her for a second, trying to make out what disturbed us.

Stacie is grinning stupidly, _damn_ she must have seen us.. A few wolf-whistles can be heard. What's going on?! Stacie is staring at someone standing between her and Chloe. Is that Amy? The blonde sat on the floor, pale as a sheet and eyes wide.

"You really thought she wouldn't do it? We are talking about Stacie _freaking_ Conrad!" Cynthia Rose looked amused, her arms were crossed and she shook her head for a second. "A kiss dare is nothing for our miss sexual-nature here."

The tall brunette smirked before she stepped forward, making the Australian flinch. "Sorry Amy, you're not my type. But we can remain friends?" She offered one perfectly manicured hand to help the fallen girl up again.

The blonde blinked for a few seconds before the color returned to her face and she grabbed the offered hand. "I just thought about how to let you down without being too rude. I have such a tight schedule with all of my boyfriends already.. Besides, I really like you as a person Stacie, but female just isn't my type." They looked into each others eyes for a moment before shaking their hands one time, breaking into laughter afterwards.

"We are a strange bunch, huh?"

My head shot left, focusing on the still smiling girl standing in front of me. "Yeah, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

A finger caressed my jaw lightly and Chloes gaze softened before it became unreadable. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

She seemed more sober now, and I felt less intoxicated myself. "It's alright, I could've stopped you. You are a good kisser, by the way." I winked at her, trying to ease the tension out of her body.

"I am?"

Her face brightened instantly and she leaned forward again, kissing my cheek before whispering a small "thank you." into my ear. Something warm slipped around my waist and caressed my side slightly before it disappeared. My eyes fell down to see what was happening and I saw my shirt falling back down and Chloes hand retreating. It must have still been holding my waist and I didn't even realize it. I met the redheads gaze again, it looked like she wanted to tell me something, but didn't know how to start or bring it up. I was about to ask what's bothering her when another set of wolf-whistles and laughter swallowed my question. Chloe grinned sheepishly and turned her head around, seeing what the rest was up to now.

I know I should've followed her example, but the moment she turned away, my eyes fell upon her neck and the few strands of hair playing around it. My hand started twitching and I had to refrain myself from striking it out. Her skin looked so soft.. My eyes wandered further up, following her jaw and the outline of her face. Did I ever mention that Chloe Beale was the closest thing to perfection wandering this earth? Her lips twitched slightly, forming into a smile. Now that I've had a taste of them, they had a whole different affect on me. I didn't know what I was doing when I turned her head back around, still staring at her lips. It all happened unconsciously, I would never hurt Jesse intentionally, I swear. But the moment her confused, crystal blue eyes met mine again, my heart skipped a beat and the only thing leaving my mouth were three words.

"Do it again."

She looked even more confused before her eyes darted to my lips for the shortest of moments. Is that a question? I was so out of it, the only thing that mattered right now was the girl in front of me and how much I wanted her to kiss me again. I nodded my head lightly, signaling that I wanted it and that I was serious. Her eyes darted up and down a few more times before her hands grabbed my face and her lips met mine for the third time. It didn't take long for me to respond, I asked for it, after all. My hands grabbed the fabric of her shirt and I pulled her closer, trying to leave next to nothing between us. I felt her tongue against my lower lip, it was brief and shy, kind of cute. My lips parted and the first time our tongues met, a shiver ran down my body. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin. I wouldn't have been surprised if a soft moan left my mouth.. Kissing Chloe was unfamiliar and amazing at once. It didn't feel like a fight of dominance, it was a dance. I would've called it a lovers dance, but I knew better. We aren't lovers, we are best friends. I should stop this, I should feel guilty, we shouldn't be doing this.. But my mind was blank. No, that's wrong.. There were stars, twists, fireworks and Chloe. Most of all, there was Chloe. My right hand left her shirt and wandered up her torso, stroking the soft skin of her neck for a second before I dug it into her hair, careful to not hurt her. I pulled her down a little more while standing on my tiptoes, removing the last bit of distance between us.

We had to pull apart when the need for air won out and the short intakes of breath in between weren't enough anymore. Her eyes were glazed over, darker than usual. The skin across her cheeks was flushed and her hair slightly ruffled, I must have pulled a little harder than I intended to, but she hadn't complained about it. She was more beautiful than ever and at the moment, she was all _mine_.

"Let's get out of here?"

Her voice was like silk, so soft.. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted more, more of her. The others were still playing some stupid game, not noticing us at all. My hand found hers and I pulled slightly, dragging her with me. I threw a look over my shoulder and saw her stumbling, she seemed unable to cope with the situation. Is it not enough to pull her towards the stairs where our rooms are? Does she really need an actual answer? "I would be more than happy if we could get out of here.." I turned my head away while saying it, being too embarrassed to admit it to her face.

I felt arms around my middle for a second. "Gladly."

She let go of me, grabbing my hand once more and squeezing it lightly. My neck was peppered with gentle kisses while we walked up the stairs. As soon as we reached the top, she passed me and started walking backwards, grabbing my other hand too. An excited smile played along her lips when she pulled me forward again, towards her room. We shared a few short kisses before we reached her door and she opened it, leading me into the room. The distance between us was too much, I felt myself growing impatient. The need has already been replaced by craving. My hand snuck around her back and locked the door.

Her hands grasped my waist once more, pushing me backwards carefully. The moment my legs met her mattress, she lowered me down before climbing on top of me. Her eyes traveled down my body slowly, taking every inch of me in. I don't know how much time passed, but when she continued to just stare at me, I started to feel uncomfortable.

"Chlo?.."

Her head shot up and her eyes met mine again, the beautiful crystal color still darker than usually.

"I'm sorry Becs, you're just so beautiful.."

My cheeks grew hot and I turned my head away, too embarrassed to look into the redheads eyes.

"Please.." her fingers turned my head back softly "don't look away. I mean it, you are gorgeous."

She kissed me again. This time it was soft and caring, she wandered across my face. Her lips grazed my forehead, wandered to my cheek, across my nose before she continued down to my jaw, kissing the space between my throat and head before she returned upwards, placing soft kisses on the corner of my mouth. She locked eyes with me before her lips met mine again. It was so gentle..

It grew more frantic after a few minutes, the need to be as close as possible kicked back in. Chloe grabbed the hem of my shirt and tucked lightly, meeting my eyes to ask for permission. I lifted my arms and that was all she needed to know.

 **XxXxXxXxXxX**

We lost our clothes like that one after another, until there was only our underwear left. I could feel Chloe against me more prominent now, it was unfamiliar but not unwelcome. The redhead began to slide my bra down slowly, kissing every inch of new discovered skin. When she snaked her arm around my back to open the clasp with one hand, I have to admit that I was impressed. But all thoughts were forgotten the moment her mouth nipped my now bare chest for the first time. It was indescribable,her tongue circled around my hardened nipple and my hips jerked up. One of my hands disappeared within Chloes hair, pulling her closer. She continued her ministrations for a while, changing sides every now and then.

I thought it was unfair, she made me feel all those things and I couldn't even see her completely naked. Sure, I still wore panties myself, but I thought it would be nice to even the score. My hands fumbled around the clasp of her bra for a while, because the redhead didn't stop to let me undress her further. When I felt the cloth snap open beneath my fingers, Chloe bit down slightly, causing me to forget about the little victory feeling and arch into her, losing a soft moan.

"Chloe.."

She looked up and smiled. Goodness, she was so beautiful.. Her hands met the mattress beside my head and she leaned down again, kissing me hungrily. I let my hands wander around her back, pulling her down further. One of her legs slipped in between mine, causing them to open slightly. Her left hand disappeared and I felt it a second later, caressing the underside of my breast before it wandered down further. Her short nails grazed my heated skin, touching the outline of my panty a few times. I felt the wetness between my legs, my hips jerked up every time she found an extra sensitive spot of skin. I clung to her desperately, my arms wrapped around her shoulders. Chloes head was buried within the crock of my neck, my embrace keeping her there. She kissed every inch of skin she could reach while continuing her slow and tortures patterns. My breath came in pants, leaving a moan every few minutes. I know that my underwear was soaked, and by the way Chloes hips jerked down a few times, hers probably too. I couldn't bear it any longer, I _needed_ to feel her.

"Please.."

Her hand stopped, she kissed my neck one last time before carefully slipping out of my arms. I stared up at her, my chest rising and falling in fast intervals. She leaned down and kissed me again, it was soft and brief. Her fingers stroked my left cheek before she slipped further down, grasping the waistband of my panties. With one final kiss to my stomach, Chloe pulled down the fabric. My skin erupted in Goosebumps when the slightly colder air hit the now freshly exposed skin. Chloe came back into view and kissed me again, stroking one of my hip-bones. I wrapped my arms underneath hers and pulled her down, kissing her right shoulder while letting my right hand wander down to tuck at her own underwear. The redhead got the hint and sat back up, exposing of the last piece of clothes between us quickly.

Now there was nothing left but us. I saw her naked before a few times, but seeing her now was totally different. She looked so much more beautiful, even more so than normally. I held one hand out to her and she took it, letting me pull her down against me again. I don't know how big or long a penis should be, but I think Chloes would be considered normal. It wasn't too long or too big. In my opinion, it was just right.

I wrapped my legs around her waist hesitantly, awaiting the unfamiliar feeling of her bare skin against mine. She was so patient, assuring that I was comfortable. When we met for the first time, a throaty moan left me and I heard Chloe groan. Our hips bucked together lightly, causing even more friction. I never felt anything like this before, I just had to feel more of it. Our eyes met again and now it was me who leaned up and kissed her. Our tongues started dancing and she guided my head down against the soft pillow. My hips started a life of their own when they began a light rhythm, jerking into the redhead every few seconds. Our kisses swallowed a lot of moans. I wanted her to continue, to take the last step.

"Do it."

Chloe pulled away slightly, our hips stopping. Sweat glistened over her skin and her breath came in short gasps, just like mine.

"Are you sure?"

She looked so unsure of herself, so careful. She really didn't want to do anything I wouldn't want or regret later on. I lifted my hand to stroke her cheek, slightly smiling at her.

"More than anything."

She stared at me for a few more seconds and leaned down to kiss me one last time before we took the next step. She sat back up a little to guide herself better into me, carefully opening my legs with her hands a little further.

"Umm.. Chloe?"

She looked up again, waiting for me to continue. Her movements stilled, she probably thought I didn't want to do it anymore.

"Yeah?"

"You.. You're going to be my, you know.. first?"

She looked a little bit shocked, but caught herself again before smiling brightly, taking my hand and kissing it.

"I'm honored."

I nodded and returned her smile shyly, signing for her to continue. She was even more careful now, pulling herself through my sex a few times, making me buck my hips and moan again. After she covered herself with my fluids, I felt the tip of her member against me. She waited until our eyes met again.

"This is probably going to hurt, but it gets better after the first few times. I'll try and make it as comfortable as possible."

"I know you will."

She smiled before she pushed into me. It felt like she filled me out completely, the first few seconds didn't hurt and I wondered if it's probably not going to hurting at all, when she hit something, sending a short wave of pain through me. Chloe stopped and watched me carefully, she told me that the part where it's hurting was about to start. I gave her a short nod and she pulled back a little. The moment she leaned down to kiss me and our lips met, she pushed back in, swallowing the surprised and painful yelp I uttered with her mouth. I felt her hips connect with mine and she stilled every movement. Giving me time to get over the pain and adjust to the feeling. She pecked my lips a few times while we waited for me to be ready, whispering sweet nothings into my ear and caressing my face with one of her hands. My own hands wandered across her back, trying to tell her that I'm okay, that it's alright to continue. Her eyes met mine again before she kissed me softly once more, watching me carefully when she retreated a little and pulled out slightly.

The first few times she moved it still hurt and I had to restrain myself from flinching. But at some point, the pain was mixed with something new. The sensation was completely foreign and when she slowly pushed in again, a shudder run through my body and a gasp left my mouth, my arms tightened their hold around her. My hips began to move on their own again, matching her rhythm, urging her to go a little faster. Chloe complied instantly, low moans leaving her own mouth occasionally. My legs wrapped themselves around her, trying to pull us impossibly closer. The room was filled with our utterings, the rustling of sheets beneath us and the sound of our bodies meeting each other in a seemingly rehearsed dance.

Our movements grew faster, more desperate. But Chloe never stopped being careful, she gave me everything I could've asked for and so much more. I felt her thrusts shorten in distance, becoming a little harder. She must be close.. But I wasn't far behind myself, one of her hands started caressing my body again. She hit an extremely sensitive spot within me and my back left the mattress for a second, arching into her and uttering a loud moan. Her hand grasped the back of my neck, holding me against the soft skin between her shoulder and neck. The noises and her skin engulfed me, adding to the sensation between my legs. Everything I felt and heard was Chloe. Her fingers dug into my scalp and her movements became uncontrolled, hitting the sensitive spot from before more often and making me whole body tingle in anticipation of the release.

Chloe groaned again and my name ghosted across the room, it was faint and filled with so many emotions, even though barely hearable. It shouldn't be heard by anyone but us. With one final thrust I felt something warm spread out inside of me. She moaned again and lowered me back onto the soft fabric, burying her head into my shoulder and biting the skin their softly, trying to stifle her moans. The moment she bit into my shoulder, I felt the release crashing over myself. My limbs wrapped themselves around her tighter, clinging to her. Her hips continued their movements, riding out our orgasms as long as possible.

Chloes eyes searched mine for a second before our lips met again, more desperate this time. It wasn't as gentle as before, our teeth met a few times and there were moments when our lips didn't meet completely. But we didn't care, it was perfect the way it was. We couldn't have asked for more.

Her thrusts stopped a little later and she pulled out slowly. I was more sensitive than before, every movement making me twitch slightly. She kissed around my face again, leaving trails down my neck unto my shoulder. Her hand started to caress me again, but this time it wasn't sensual, it was calming, loving. Her fingers were running through my hair, making me close my eyes and smiling contently.

 **XxXxXxXxXxX**

She laid down beside me and I looked up. Chloe seemed happy and content herself. I shuffled a little closer, burying my head underneath hers. I have to admit that I really took a liking to that particular part of her body. She began humming a soft tune and wrapped the arm that wasn't caressing me around my middle, pulling me closer. She kissed the top of my head and I felt tired all of a sudden, the events of the day and our latest activities catching up with me. I felt her pull the covers up around us, we must've disposed them onto the floor at some point, but I couldn't remember when. I felt her chest rising and falling against one of my arms and my ear caught the slight thump of her heart. The steady, calming beating and her soft voice lulled me into sleep. I think Chloe whispered something, but I was too far gone to understand it before sleep overtook me.

* * *

It was cold, I shivered and patted around, searching for something to keep me warm. My eyes opened slightly and closed again instantly, bright light disturbing them. I found the sheets of my bed wrapped around my legs, exposing my skin to the air. After trying to untangle them with my legs and realizing I wasn't getting anywhere I sat up, an annoyed groan leaving my mouth. I ripped them free and was about to snuggle back into the soft fabric to close my eyes when something caught my attention. It smelled differently. It wasn't unfamiliar, but definitely not the thing I normally woke up to. I sat up again and squinted my eyes, trying to see as much as possible without opening them at all.

This wasn't my room, not at all. The friendly colors and pictures across the walls looked like Chloes and I wondered how I ended up sleeping in the redheads bed. I turned around slightly to search for the girl in question, but she wasn't there. The moment I moved my legs to get up, I felt the soreness. My eyes traveled down my body to see what was going on when I saw that I wasn't wearing clothes. Not one single piece of fabric covered my body. Then it hit me, the events of the day before came crashing back and my eyes went wide. I slept with Chloe. I gave my virginity to my best friend. I didn't feel regret, not at all. It was more of a panic that set in. I have a boyfriend, whom I cheated on last night and even more enjoyed doing so. I am an awful person, hurting Jesse like this without giving it a second thought or even considering his feelings.

I got out of bed and picked up my clothes quickly, pulling on the most necessary parts before scanning the room again. I don't think I forgot anything, so I opened the door and tiptoed through the corridor, crossing the distance between Chloes and my room silently. Amy was sprawled out across her own bed, snoring a little and looking more than hung-over. She probably didn't even realize I wasn't here last night.

I discharged my clothes again and put them into the bin I kept for dirty clothes, grabbing a fresh pair of shorts, a shirt and some underwear before stepping into our joined bathroom. That was one of the best things about having your own 'house'. Every room had its own bathroom. The moment I stepped underneath the warm water, I decided that it was probably for the best to just forget what happened last night. It didn't hurt anyone when no one knew about it, right? Goodness.. How wrong I was..

* * *

 _Four weeks later_

Things between Chloe and me were normal, we never talked about what we did, just played it off like it never happened. There were a few awkward moments between us, but neither dared to make the first step and talk about what we did. The others didn't realize we were gone until later that night, but thought we both retired to sleep. Separately, of course.

The fact that we had to try and win a world championship left aside, everything returned to its usual routine. I met up with Jesse frequently, but avoided affection as good as possible without being suspicious. I pushed _the_ night into the back of my mind and actually forgot about it a few times until my worries started again.

Actually even more so than before, because this whole world championship, being an intern and thinking about what would happen if Jesse did actually find out took quite a strain on me and my sanity.

I sat on the toilet, the lid closed beneath me and tapped my foot impatiently, staring at the little plastic stick I held with one hand. I know it was stupid, because it wasn't possible that this little thing would change my life anytime soon. Chloe told me she probably wasn't able to have children, and that it made her sad, knowing that she'd never be the mother of a small life. So why should I worry about something like this? I've been under a lot of stress the last few weeks, it happens that your period is falling out because of something like this. I'm just paranoid, because that's who I am. Nothing to worry about, nothing at all. How much time passed until I peed onto that stupid thing? It should have shown a result by now! My phone said it was about two minutes ago.. _Only two?!_ It could be five minutes until I saw anything at all! Goodness, my nerves..

I tried to shorten the time with humming, tapping a beat with one hand and my foot, looking anywhere but that stupid plastic stick. Another minute passed and there was still nothing. My hands became clammy, my heartbeat picked up and I don't know how many times I told myself that everything was fine and I'm just being paranoid. I didn't take another look, not until the five minutes were over. I glanced down briefly, averting my eyes as fast as possible. Nothing there.. I looked at it carefully, turning it around to see if I somehow managed to do it the wrong way or actually crushed it. It looked.. good? I don't know how these things are supposed to look when they aren't working!

The moment I turned it back around, my eyes went wide and my heart stopped, before it began to beat again at full force, hammering away against my rips. There was a red plus staring back at me, with a small smiley face beside it. It left my hand like it was death itself, I nearly threw it across the room. It couldn't be, that's not possible.. I tried to think about something else, anything that would indicate that it was just a stupid mistake. I had to take another one. The smiley flashed through my mind and I felt myself become angry. A smiley? Really? Who the hell invented those things?! The anger was replaced with panic in a second, then guilt because I just destroyed a few lives with my discovery. It can't be, nope. Absolutely _not_ possible. Chloe told me so herself, she wasn't able to get anyone pregnant. _Pregnant._ Fuck, I just discovered that I was pregnant. And it wasn't my boyfriends baby, no.

I was pregnant and the 'father' was my best friend. My _female_ best friend.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey there, sorry for the wait. Finals are over and I hope to update a little sooner starting now.  
And a huge **THANK YOU** to all of you. You are awesome, so many follows and favs in one chapter, it really made me happy! :)

The car mentioned later on is based on Anna Kendricks real car. By the way, **happy Birthday Anna!**

Sadly, I own nothing.

* * *

I still can't believe it's true. I mean, it's not, definitely not. That's why I'm here. I can't take some stupid little plastic stick serious.

My eyes wandered across the room, studying the people. A girl around my age sat to the left, chewing her gum and tapping lazily on her phone. Her nails made small clicking sounds when they hit the display.  
A woman in her mid-thirties sat across from me, a small child playing by her feet. She looked tired, one of her hands held her head up while the other hung from her leg. The young boy drove his car around, circling her left foot once. She glanced down at him and he looked up, smiling brightly. It was kind of cute, he adored his mother. The woman closed her eyes again, not even showing a small smile and the boys smile vanished. His tiny hand stretched to pat her leg, but he retired it before actually touching her and continued playing silently.

Am I going to end up like this? Worn out with thirty, not even paying attention to my child? The poor boy, I would never tread my baby like this.. Not that there is one to begin with, stupid thoughts. But would I sit here on my own when the baby is around his age? Without a father to care for him and me being distant? I'm exaggerating again, maybe his father is at work and the sitter couldn't take him or they don't have a sitter? Stop it, Beca. That's none of your business.

The boy looked up again and caught my eyes. He stared at me for a few seconds, not moving at all, before I smiled shyly and moved my hand a little, indicating something like a small wave that hopefully no one saw. His face broke out into another bright smile, he waved back energetically and started pushing his car in my direction, robbing across the floor while doing so. Shooting glances at me every now and then. Is he coming to me? Does he want something? Damn, his mother is probably angry! I looked up again, seeing the woman relax into her chair. Nope, not looking angry at all.. Does she even care, for goodness sake? Something tucked on my denim and my eyes wandered down again. The boy stood in front of me, looking at the floor. Was he acting shy now? The hand holding the fabric of my leg tightened a little and his eyes met mine again. He had big, brown, innocent eyes. His short blonde hair looked ruffled.

"Playin' wif me?" He couldn't pronounce the _th_ correctly, it was kind of cute.. "Please?"

I leaned forward and smiled, feeling a little unsure about where this was going. "Sure, but you have to tell me your name first buddy."

His smile returned and his hands patted my legs excitedly. "Josh. You like cars? Mine is a hero's car!"

He was irresistible, I just had to play along. "Josh? Isn't that a superhero's name? I'm Beca."

His arms stretched out in my direction and he laughed. Does he want me to lift him up into my lap? I held out my hands and he stepped in between my legs, waiting for me to lift him up. His weight surprised me a little, I thought he would be lighter, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I tried to hold him in place without looking too helpless and hurting him.

"I'm a hero!" his hands flew up and he nearly hit me with his car, his excitement growing tenfold.

I couldn't contain my laughter any longer. "Wow, slow down a little, superman. Would you like to show me your awesome hero car?" Josh nodded and started explaining every little detail about his car. It was a simple, red, sports car, but in Josh's imagination, it was able to get invisible and save people. He entertained me with bits and pieces about every superman he ever heard about.

"Beca Mitchell?"

My head flew up. A nurse stood at the door, holding a chart and looking around, waiting for someone to speak up. The moment I stood up and sat Josh onto the floor again carefully, a girl left one of the examination rooms and pulled a phone out of her pocket, checking the display before putting it away again. Brown hair covered her face before her head moved and our eyes met. My heart, stomach and every other organ within me plummeted to the floor. It can't be..

"Beca? Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Stacie?"

The taller girl covered the distance between us with a few long strides, grinning widely. Something tucked on my leg and my eyes wandered back to the floor. Josh stood beside me, his little fingers buried within the fabric of my denim again, hiding his head behind my thigh. It hurt and warmed my heart at the same time, seeing him so unsure, yet so trusting. I couldn't help myself and crouched down beside him, patting his head with my right hand.

"Hey buddy, do you know my friend Stacie? She's super nice and has superpowers herself!"

I stared at Stacie for a few seconds, daring her to say something else. She returned my stare, asking me questions I didn't want to answer with her eyes.

"Really? You have superpowers?"

The question broke our stare down and Stacie eyed me one last time before crouching down beside me, offering Josh one of her hands with a smile.

"Of course! Do you probably have superpowers too?"

Josh took her hand and shook it excitedly, nearly jumping up and down while doing so.

"Yes! Mummy? Mummy! Did you hear, this girls' a superhero!" The woman across the room looked up, eying us for a second before her attention settled on the excited boy between us.

"That's awesome, Josh. But please don't annoy those people with your heros. Okay, honey?"

I don't know what's wrong with me, but how could this woman be so disinterested? I mean, her son is such a sweet little guy, and she looks like he's only getting on her nerves. He didn't even talk to her until now! The nerve of..

"Beca Mitchell!"

Damn, the nurse still stood there, waiting for me. I patted Joshs head once more. "Be a good guy and help as many people as possible in the future, okay? It was really nice to meet you, Josh."

He looked like he was about to cry before he nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. My heart twitched and I ruffled his hair, turning to Stacie.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Her hand grabbed my wrist and she jerked me back lightly, whispering so that only I could hear her. "You better tell me what you're doing here later. And don't try to say something about routine check-up. We both know that you hate these things and would never come here for something like that."

My throat went dry and I felt my palms getting sweaty. She would have seen my eyes widen, but I'm glad that the only thing she saw was my back towards her and probably the slight clenching of my fists. I ripped my arm free and went to the, by now annoyed looking, nurse. Seriously, couldn't she see that I was having a conversation? I know why I hate people.. They are so, so.. impatient! I mean, I hate waiting myself. But that doesn't mean they couldn't wait for me, right? Goodness, that sounds way too self-absorbed..

"Please take a seat, the doctor will be here shortly." The nurse opened a door and I stepped through, the room was painted with different kinds of yellow. It was probably supposed to keep you calm and make you feel at home, but that's the problem, no doctor could ever make me feel comfortable or at home. Pictures of pregnant women or anatomic drawings littered the walls.

I felt something against my stomach and had to refrain myself from yelping in surprise. My hand started caressing the skin through my blouse lightly. I ripped it away in shock, staring at my fingers with wide eyes. What was happening? I already knew, definitely _knew,_ that I wasn't pregnant. Is that what they call a mothers instinct? _But_ , I'm _not_ pregnant! That means that I can't be a mother. Therefore, there's no instinct!

I'm discussing things with myself.. I totally lost it. Is it possible that those actions were caused due to Josh? The pictures? The fact that nothing else besides that damned pregnancy test occupied my mind the whole day? I don't know what to do.. What if.. What if I'm really pregnant? What am I going to tell Chloe? Or Jesse? I can't tell them. No matter what happens, they can't know. I would take care of the baby myself, because it wouldn't be Jesse's and it would break him, knowing that I slept with someone else while being in a relationship with him.. And Chloe.. oh, sweet, loving Chloe. I'm sure she would try to take responsibility, but her mind is occupied with so many things right now. The Worlds, finals, her future.. I couldn't possibly burden her with the sleepless hours of a crying baby.. I'm screwed. If I'm pregnant, I'm totally and completely screwed.

My fingers still stared back at me. What am I doing? I let my hand fall down again before I sat on top of the stretcher. The picture of the pregnant woman hung right across from me, mocking me from the other side of the room. L.A... I'd have to forget about my dream. Now, that I finally had a chance with the internship! The lump within my throat was back. Where was that stupid doctor?! I _need_ to know what's going on. I need something solid, something I can work with. I mean, not _work_ with, 'cause you can't work with babies, but aren't you working _for_ them? Gah, whatever! I just need to know what's going on..

It felt like forever before the door opened again and a woman, probably around her mid thirties entered the room. Her blonde, short hair bobbed up with every step she took. She held a chart in one hand while her brown eyes scanned the words scribbled across it. The woman stopped a few steps away from me before lifting her head and meeting my eyes. A small, friendly smile appeared and she offered me her hand. "Hello Ms. Mitchell, my name is Doctor Green. The nurse told me that you are here because you have a few questions, is that correct?"

Now or never.. I took her hand, my fingers shock a little and my palm was clammy. "It's Beca. I actually want to know one thing. And, depending on that, eventually a few more.."

Dr. Green nodded and pulled a chair in front of me, sitting down "ask away than, Beca."

My heartbeat quickened again, it felt like it crashed against my ribs every second. I wrung my hands, how am I supposed to ask something like that? The Doctor sat in front of me, waiting for a question, but nothing left my mouth. I opened it a few times before turning my head away, staring to the right.

"Are you, theoretically speaking, totally theoretical!.. Maybe able to, eventually.. Do an ultrasound?"

The other woman nodded, her eyes never leaving mine when I turned my head back, waiting for a reaction.

"Of course. Is there a reason why you would like to do one? Do you have stomach-aches? Problems with eating or keeping your food down?"

I shook my head, my hands clasped together tightly and my skin turned white above the knuckles. "It's not- No. I mean, maybe, I don't know? I just want to know if there's something- someone _there_ , you know?"

"You think that you could be pregnant? How so?"

I tried to relax my hands, stared at them while searching for the right words. "My period. I'm a few weeks late.. I've been under a lot of stress recently, and things like that can make it skip, I know that. But I did a pregnancy test due to certain.. circumstances.. It was positive. I just want to make sure that the result is wrong."

Dr. Green nodded again. "That means you want me to tell you that you aren't pregnant?"

"Yes." Not being pregnant meant that there wouldn't be a little Chloe running around, or a small Josh.. "No." No? I can't afford to be pregnant, what am I saying?! "I mean, I don't know! I just want to know what's going on. There are so many things the answer would affect. I want to know if I have to _do_ something, you know?"

The doctor scanned my face, her brown eyes staring into my very soul. "What would you like to do, Beca?"

"What?" I would turn back time, of course! I wouldn't let it get that far, something like that couldn't happen!

"Would you have an abortion?"

Dr. Greens face looked serious. No sign of happiness being left, she expected me to answer truthfully..

"Abortion?.." My voice failed, it cracked at the end of the word. I couldn't even speak whole sentences anymore. The thought of being pregnant was never this present since I first looked at that stupid plastic stick.. What would I do? I know I said that I couldn't tell anyone, that I had to break it off with Jesse. But the thought of actually getting an abortion never really crossed my mind. An image of Josh flashed through my head, his shy smile and excitement of cars. Would I really be able to deny someone like that to live? To.. kill.. him? My breath became labored, and I stared at Dr. Green in panic. What was I supposed to do?!

"Beca? Do you want to lay down for a minute? I know that's a rather harsh and sudden question, but did you ever consider those things before?"

I wasn't able to talk, my head shook slowly and I laid down, staring at the white ceiling. Was I really having a panic attack right now? I never had one before!

"I'll give you a moment. Take deep and slow breaths, close your eyes if you like to. We're going to do an ultrasound as soon as you feel better. We will discuss everything else afterwards, there's still the possibility of you not being pregnant, okay?"

My vision moved up and down, I probably nodded again. I can't really tell, everything came crushing down just now, the seriousness of the whole situation, everything I had to consider. And I don't even have a real answer yet.. My eyes closed, I tried to concentrate on my breathing. In and out. In.. and out.. Again.. And again.. My heart slowed down after a few times and I laid there for a few more seconds, still staring at the ceiling, trying to make my mind as blank as the white up there.

"I'm ready. Let's do this."

Doctor Green smiled slightly and stood up, waving for me to follow her example. "Okay, it won't take long. I'll bring you a glass of water while I prepare everything. I just have to tell a nurse what we'll be doing." She left the room afterwards, giving me one more reassuring smile before closing the door behind her. My right hand went through my hair and I released a breath. My left hand started to drum against my thigh lightly while my other hand held my head. I had my body back under control again when the doctor returned, she held the plastic cup out to me with a sympathetic smile and I downed its contents rather quickly, without being rude. She took the now empty cup again and threw it away before disinfecting her hands and indicating for me to lay down again.

"Did you ever get an ultrasound before?"

"No, it's the first time."

"Okay. I need you to lift up your shirt, a few centimeters under the rim of your brassier should do. I'll put a little gel on top of your stomach, it's probably going to be a little cold."

The doctor did as she told and searched my eyes again before she put part of the ultrasound on my skin. "We're going to get an answer now every second. I want you to relax. If you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop, tell me immediately, okay?"

I returned to nodding my head, the lump was back.. I held my breath when the machine met the skin on my stomach. The doctor moved it around a little, catching different angles while searching the monitor beside her. I couldn't really see something, it was black and white-grey mush for me.

Dr. Green stopped her movements and glanced at me before staring at the monitor again. She turned around fully now, facing me. "Congratulations, I guess. You are indeed pregnant." She turned back to the screen and pointed to a little something. "That's your little one."

There it is, the confirmation. What now?

* * *

I left the doctor's office half an hour later. She told me about the possibilities I had: keeping it, giving it away, having an abortion.. I seriously don't know what I should do.. Should I tell someone? Maybe another opinion would be helpful? But it's my future on the line.. Mine and those of a few more people.. Why me?! I opened the door of my Toyota prius hybrid and got in, connecting my phone with the stereo as soon as I sat down and turned on the ignition. I pressed the shuffle button in one of my playlists and waited for the music to fill the interior of the car. Promises started playing.. I couldn't bring myself to skip the song, it was in one of our set-lists. Maybe thinking about the girls lightened my mood? Eventually forgetting the whole situation? I glanced to the right, in the passenger seat, beside my phone, was a picture. A photo of the little someone growing inside of me. I realized that my car was running already and pushed it into drive before backing out of the parking lot. Thoughts about the future and different scenarios about what to do and whom to tell filled my mind the whole ride back to campus. I couldn't avoid them, no one. We all lived together in that big house now, and going to Jesse was an option I didn't even consider.

I parked my car beside CR's truck and inhaled deeply before shutting it off. I grabbed my phone and my eyes landed on the picture again. I left my phone where it was and picked up the picture instead, staring at it for a few seconds. Soo.. this little one is going to throw a few worlds out of line, huh? And he or she doesn't even know, being all innocent in there.

I had to leave the car, the others would get skeptical.. I grabbed my phone and got out of the car, hastily pushing the picture in the back of my denims before making my way to the house. I opened the door and tried to act as normal as possible, meaning that I had to look bored, annoyed or impassive. I'm not like that all the time anymore, there are moments where I'm just happy and a little outgoing. But I'm still like back then most of the time.

Music played somewhere, probably in the living room again, because they actually aren't inside their rooms for anything else besides sleep. Maybe some studying sometimes, but that's it.  
I met no one while I went up the stairs, trying to get to my room undetected. I actually felt kind of happy for the second time today when I reached for the door handle and met no one.

But of course, my hopes had to be crushed as soon as I stepped into the room. I heard footsteps behind me before someone pushed me all the way into the room. I whipped around, my eyes fell on a curtain of brown hair and never ending legs.

"Stacie!" again.. And here I thought I could get out of this whole 'we-are-having-a-conversation-later-thing'.

The brunette turned around and crossed her arms, staring at me for a few seconds. "I told you that we'd have a talk. Spill."

This couldn't be happening.. I just had the probably worst day of my life, and wanted to drown myself in self-pity, but I guess that wouldn't be happening anytime soon now..

"What are you even talking about? Am I not allowed to go to the doctor once in a while? What were you doing there?"

The brunette shrugged and walked up the stairs, giving me a slight push to start walking myself. Do I ever have a choice? I sighed for the probably thousandth time that day and followed her. Maybe this was my change to talk with someone, tell them about the situation and get another opinion? I never got to finish the inner debate with myself before we sat on my bed, Stacie staring at me expectantly.

"Is it Jesse?"

I did a double-take. What did she just?..

"You finally _made love_ and forgot that the whole pulling out stuff doesn't work?"

"What the-? No! Stacie!"

Now it was the brunettes turn to look confused. "So.. You aren't pregnant?"

"I didn't say that!" How did she know? I never indicated something, I just _met_ her in the waiting room!

Stacies eyes softened and she leaned forward, squeezing my hand lightly. "We may not have that many one-on-one conversations, but I've known you for three years now, and we're living in the same house for two. I know when you're trying to hide something. And you were clearly upset and confused, even frightened back then. You would've turned around and looked me in the eye, and not just walked away like that without another word. And the fact that you never go to check-ups or things like that isn't a secret. And you would never visit a gynecologist if it weren't for something big like that."

I just blinked at her, my vision got blurry and I bit my lip. I probably looked like some teenage-girl after her one-week boyfriend broke up with her. But I didn't care. Stacie opened her arms and I lunged into her, giving in to the need to just let it out and losing control for a few minutes. I probably wouldn't be able to do that in the next few days, weeks, months, heck, maybe even years!

The brunette was patient, letting me cry for as long as I wanted, stroking my back and telling me that it would be alright and that we would find a way to get everything okay again.

"Are you telling Jesse? I'm sure he'd want to know that he's going to be a father.."

 _Jesse.._ I still don't know what to tell him. "I-I can't.." The sobs died down mostly, I could tell her. I know she wouldn't judge me.. Stacie isn't like that. Right?

"Why? He's your boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he would actually love to be a father someday."

Now or never.. "I know. I know all that Stace, but it's not like that.. It's just-, it's not him. Jesse isn't the father.."

The brunette backed away slightly, staring into my eyes, confusion written all over her face. "But who? You never talked or interacted with anyone besides the Trebles and Luke, but he's gone for a while now and the Trebles never got your attention, except for Jesse, of course."

I turned my head away, staring at my blanket shamefully. "It's not a Treble.. It's actually not even a guy.."

Stacie frowned for a second, before realization dawned on her face. "Are you talking about.. Chloe?"

I just nodded, I couldn't even look into her eyes. I know that I said she'd understand, but I don't want to see the way she's looking at me right now. But the brunette surprised me yet again.

A slight chuckle could be heard. "Took you long enough. It's been obvious since freshman year that you two have the hots for each other."

"What? Stacie, I just told you that I cheated on Jesse!"

The brunette returned my gaze before sighing slightly. "I know. There are probably nicer ways to break up with someone. But I'm pretty sure it was an accident, right?"

I just nodded, signaling for her to continue.

"And you should also know that I'm the last person to judge you for something like that. Except maybe when you cheat on Chloe, but that would never happen, so, yeah. You can't make it undone, that's not possible, but you should make the best of it. Answer truthfully, were you ever as comfortable around Jesse as you are with Chloe?"

I didn't even had to think about it. "No, Jesse is like a very good friend of mine. Nearly a brother in a way, he's goofy and giving me pep-talks whenever I feel down. But Chloe is doing the same. I know that I feel something for her, but I don't know what it is just yet.. I just recently realized, you know?"

Stacie sighed, seriously, is international-sighing-day today?! "But you will never know what it is when you don't give it a try. Will you tell her? You know that she loves kids.."

My hand ran through my hair again. "I don't know what to do. There are so many things going on right now. The Worlds, finals, future.. I can't possibly burden her with something like this. I know that she would want to be there and take responsibility or something like that, but it could ruin her. The stress, sleepless nights, moody me.. I want her to be able to focus on herself and the Bellas. I mean, she failed Russian lit three times for them!"

"It would probably hurt her more if you never tell her and she has to find out from someone else. She would blame herself, and that's going to put way more pressure on her than just telling her the truth, don't you think?"

"I don't know what to think! Everything happened so fast, one day we were having fun and being stupid, the next I'm pregnant and it feels like the world is ending.."

"Hey, it's not that bad. I've seen you with that boy, Josh, today. It was really sweet."

My vision went blurry again and I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, turning to the woman beside me again. "What am I going to do, Stace?"

"I can't help you with that one Beca, it's your decision after all. But we both know that you can't keep it a secret forever and you can't hide in here forever either. They are going to find out eventually, all of them. And I think it would be best for you to tell them personally, as hard as it may be."

"You're probably right. But I think I'm not ready yet, I just discovered it myself. I need time to wrap my head around it."

"I understand that, but you are going to see Chloe soon, we're living within the same house after all."

Stacie looked at her wrist and met my eyes again, looking slightly apologetic. "In fact, you're going to see her in a few minutes. Practice starts in half an hour, we should get ready. Is it okay for you to do sports?"

"Yeah, it's alright right now, I just have to slow down and stop eventually later on."

Stacie smiled and stood up, hugging me one last time. "It's going to be okay, go change and I'll be here in a few minutes to pick you up, we're going there together. "

With that she turned around and went down the stairs, I stood up and nearly run after her. "Stacie?"

The brunette spun around, one eyebrow raised. "Mhh?"

A small smile graced my lips. "Thank you, for everything."

She returned the smile and waved her right hand. "Don't mention it, see you in ten!"

Getting ready after that conversation was fast, I just put on the things on top of my work-out clothes and grabbed my laptop bag and a bottle of water. I pushed the water, my shoes and some deodorant into another bag and went down the stairs. Stacie came down the hall as I closed the door behind me.

"Ready to face the world?"

"No, but that never stopped me before, let's do this."

We walked out of the house and through the front yard. Yes, we actually have a front yard, and a swimming pool. Having your own house is, as mentioned before, really awesome. Stacie told me about her recent date encounter – another disaster, may I add, as we walked to short way to the rehearsal room. We stopped just outside the door and Stacie looked at me, searching my eyes.

"Are you okay?"

My heart beat sped up again and I took a few deep breaths. "Partly, but what am I expecting?"

She nodded in understanding and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before shooting me one last friendly smile and opened the door.

Meeting Chloe was inevitable now. What should I do? Here goes nothing..

* * *

What should Beca do? Was it good that she told Stacie? Tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

I'm so sorry for the wait, life got busier than expected.. And it'll probably stay this way for a little longer. **Thank you for all the follows and reviews, you are awesome!**

I have a little request for all of you:  
AfterEllen is currently running another femslash tournament and Bechloe is going against another strong pairing, so it's a really tight thing.. It would be great if some of you would search for the AfterEllen femslash tournament round 3 and vote a little for Bechloe, the poll is ending on Friday and you can vote once per hour. So leaving a little vote here and there would be awesome!

Disclaimer: Who knows, I could get the rights for Christmas? ;) But I sadly still own nothing.. On we go and thank you for being patient with me!

* * *

The Bellas were all there already, chattering and busying themselves while waiting for practice to begin. Amy told Ashley und Jessica something about Dingos and their 'mating ritual' while Cynthia-Rose sat beside them, eyeing the three like she didn't understand how exactly she ended up with them again. Lily did some seriously questionable things I don't even know how to put into words and Flo stretched her legs, using some of the chairs we put up years ago.

The person of my demise stood in front of the whiteboard, checking our routine and set-list. I couldn't see her face because her back was turned towards me, but I knew that she probably chewed on her bottom lip, scanning every name and every line on the board intently. She desperately searched for a way to improve our performance, making us _the_ acapella-group again. I felt a twist inside my stomach, like a certain someone wanted to remind me that they were there. That they could in fact feel the presence of their father - mother? Well, obviously Chloe is a registered female, so that would make her a mother. But she kind of did the male part in the whole thing.. Stop it, you have definitely bigger problems to worry about! For example telling the redhead right there that she would be a mother - father?! - soon! The twist returned, feeling like it pulled me down a little, making my heart stutter and my breath uneven for a second. It wasn't the baby I felt.. It was fear, anxiety. If my thoughts ran wild during the last few hours, it was nothing compared to what I felt like right now. Seeing Chloe right there made the whole thing even more real, it wasn't a dream.. God, how much I wished for it to be one.. I glanced at Stacie, the brunette eyed me worriedly for a moment before her eyes met mine and her gaze swept across the room, trying to act normal. There's still time for me to turn around and silently leave this place, to go back into my room and lay in my bed, covered with a bunch of blankets that held the world at bay. My right foot moved back a little, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. The knot felt a little lighter and I sucked in a comforting amount of air when Chloe suddenly spun around, her stressed features meeting my frightened ones. _Shit._

"Beca! Finally, there's a lot we have to talk about. I double-checked our present performance and found a few things that we have to change. Do you have the set-list ready for the worlds? We should probably put in more training-units, our currently ones are far too little. Meet up six days a week to build up the stamina again. Oh! Did I ask about the set-list already?"

My head began to spin, I couldn't tell her about the baby, I'm seriously afraid that she would pass out with all of the things already running through her head right now. My eyes frantically shot across the room, seeing everything and nothing at all. My throat went dry and I swallowed, but there was no spit to wet it. My eyes flew back to Chloe when she began to move, her arms moved up and down a bit, edging me on to answer her. My tongue flew out to wet my now too dry lips and the feeling of being submerged with dryness in my mouth and sweat on my palms was overwhelming. My mouth opened, trying to form words, answer her with something, _anything._

"I-"

"Geez, Chloe, let a girl breath."

My eyes shot to Stacie, she took a few steps forwards, stepping slightly in front of me. Nothing looked suspicious, but I felt like everything was judging me, mocking me for the things I did, or in this case, didn't do. I had to listen to the conversation going on in front of me, to know what was happening. I tried to pull my head back into reality and out of my spiraling thoughts.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to greet you like that.. But it is important, so, what do you think, Beca?"

I swallowed a few more times while Chloe talked, bringing at least a little wetness to my vocal cords to not sound like a die-hard smoker who hasn't used her voice in decades.

"Sorry, I don't have the music yet, but it should be ready soon. I know that we have to work hard, but that doesn't mean that we can lose our cool, okay Chlo? Things like that are going to cause us serious problems." My hands moved a little while I talked, probably to accentuate what I just said.

Chloe took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down a little. "Okay. Okay. We can do this. It's not like we are never going to be able to compete against another group again. Except for when we're going to lose at worlds. Great. I won't ever be allowed to sing again. The Bellas are over, my family is going to part and continue going on separately."

The redhead seriously worried me, my feet carried me faster than my mind could process what was happening and I stood right in front of her within seconds. My hands gripped her shoulders tightly and my eyes searched her face, trying to make her look at me.

"Chloe. Chloe, look at me. _Look at me._ Everything is going to be fine, okay? We're going to start practice, get everyone back on track and it will be okay. No freaking out, no world-ending apocalyptic-something in your mind. Do you understand me?"

Her crystal blues met my darker ones and she nodded her head a few times, fighting back the tears that were about to spill.

"Good. That's good. You're doing good. Take a few deep breaths. Awesome, just like that."

She needed another minute to compose herself and when her eyes looked at me without tears in them anymore, I held her gaze, asking her silently if she was alright. She nodded one last time before mumbling a silent "sorry.. thanks." and turning around, shouting for the others to get their 'lazy asses in line already'. Something squeezed my shoulder lightly and Stacie turned back around, following Chloes command. Her right hand left my shoulder the moment she was half turned and I fell in line only a few steps after her. Things were more messed up than I originally thought, instead of me worrying about telling her, I had to comfort her. What now?

* * *

We've been at it for a few hours already. I have to admit that I stopped counting and checking the time at some point, in fear of getting distracted and displeasing Chloe with a mistake. After the verbal run-in she gave Amy after said blonde tried to lessen her cardio with another round of horizontal running, I thought that Chloe would rip her to pieces right there. Don't ever get in the way of an angry redhead, that's the most valuable lesson I learned today. Besides the whole 'use a freaking condom and don't cheat on your boyfriend' thing, of course. Stacie suddenly appeared beside me, her features something between worry and tiredness.

"Are you feeling okay? I know that you said sport isn't that bad, but I'm pretty sure that this" she gestured with her hand to all of the Bellas, some of them looked like they were about to die any minute now "is not healthy. I know that you didn't want for any of this to happen, but do you seriously want to be so reckless as to risk losing it? Because what you're doing right now, definitely looks like it."

I understood where she was coming from. I asked myself the same thing a few times already, especially when it felt like my lungs were on fire and I couldn't take another step without collapsing.

"I know.. But don't you understand? I can't just back out right now, I'd have to give them an explanation, this is important! I'm just as much part of this as you and the rest of us are, I can't let them down."

Stacies eyes bore into mine and I never saw the brunette looking so serious before. "I know that. But what do you think are they going to do when they find out? What if you break down and they call an ambulance, what if - god beware - you're losing blood. Beca, I know that this is terrifying, but you have to slow down a little. Please."

"Oi, BM, feeling alright there? You two are looking really serious." Stacie and I looked up, Cynthia-Rose held her side while trying to understand what we were talking about. The others looked up too, their eyes focusing on us. Great, just great.

"Yeah, everythi-"

"Actually, Beca isn't feeling too well. She probably ate something wrong, her stomach is bothering her a little."

I glared at Stacie. I mean, seriously? She couldn't just go and lie them in the face like that! Not more than it's already happening! Stacie spoke up again before I could even come back with an answer.

"You don't have to force yourself to go through this, it's no good when you're just wearing yourself more out and end up sick. We know that you want to help and make everything alright again, but you won't be of any help when you're putting up your tough exterior again and miss the crucial parts because you're sick."

The others nodded in agreement, mumbling a few "Stacie's right" here and there. A hand grabbed my left biceps lightly and Chloe came up beside me, studying me worriedly.

"Where does it hurt? Why didn't you say anything?" She turned to the others. "Practice is over for today, we'll meet again tomorrow, same time." Her attention was back on me and I would've lied if I said that I didn't enjoy it at least a little.. "I'll bring you home. You'll spend the rest of the day in bed or on the couch, no arguing."

Her hand left my biceps before she vanished with a quick "don't move." Chloe reappeared a few seconds later, her and my backs slung over one shoulder while her free hand reached out, looping through my left arm and holding me lightly. I couldn't help but wonder if she would always be like this if she knew that I was pregnant. Stacie smiled slightly when Chloe passed by her, the redhead being too focused on where she was going and me to notice. I probably would have been at least a little angry if the whole thing hadn't led to my current position. Which meant by Chloes side, with the redheads arm now lightly draped around my waist, pulling me slightly into her right side. I couldn't help but feel protected, at least a little bit.

"Do you think you're able to make it back to the house or is the pain too much?" Chloes question pulled me out of my little moment of bliss.

"No, it's okay. It actually got a little better already." As if I would make a huge scene out of the whole thing. Chloe nearly carrying me is just a must have to hold up the façade, of course!

"Okay, that's great. Not that you're in pain, but that it got better already. What did you eat today?"

Now that I think about it, I don't necessarily remember eating anything at all..

"I don't know, nothing special or strange or something like that. Just the stuff I normally eat."

Chloe thought about that for a second before her eyes swept sideways to look at me again. "Okay. I'm going to make you tea and a soup when we get back. You should eat and drink something, but nothing that would upset your stomach even more."

God, could this woman be any more perfect? "You don't have to Chlo, I'm sure it will be fine when we get back."

"I already told you to not argue with me on this one. So be a nice little patient and don't talk back."

It's really amazing to see her switch from caring to bossy in a second. What is it now, bossy-caring? My lips twitched a little at the thought of the word and I actually had to restrain myself to not start chuckling. Not that I am ever actually doing something like that! It's just the hormones!

We were mostly quiet for the rest of the walk, Chloe being extra careful with me. I actually started to feel bad again, because I'm receiving her kindness even though I have absolutely no right to get any of that. Chloe _allowed_ me to sit in the kitchen while she made some soup and a cup of tea. The resistance I had to put up for a small thing like sitting in another place than my room or the living-room was kind of unnecessary.. But then again, we're talking about Chloe, who can be quite intimidating when she wants something.

My head rested on top of my arms on the kitchen counter while I watched her, she scurried around the stove, trying to get the ingredients without making too much noise. Her iPod laid on the countertop beside her, playing on shuffle in the background. The redhead started humming, her head nodding with the beat of the song. I couldn't restrain myself from smiling when I recognized it as one of the few I actually showed to her. It wasn't full of energy and the normal happy-go-lucky theme she listened to, but I remember the moment her eyes glazed over when the melody reached its peak for the first time, a smile broke out across her face and her crystal blues closed to just enjoy the song, feeling it flowing through her. I watched her for a few more seconds and the moment Wrabel reached another peak with his song, I closed my eyes myself. I exhaled deeply and felt the pressure disappear, my senses focusing on the song, taking everything in. The tiredness caught up with me and I gratefully slipped into the bliss of a sleep-like state.

Something soft slid across my face and through my hair before massaging my scalp lightly. It felt good, really good. A small moan left my mouth and I relaxed even more when the hand slid through my hair again, tucking a few stray strands away from my face. I opened my left eye slightly and saw Chloe leaning on the counter opposite me. Her left hand stretched out in my direction, but disappeared out of sight. It was probably the one she currently used to switch between massaging my scalp and running through my hair. A soft smile grazed her features and a steaming cup of tea stood beside me, I couldn't help but admire her when her eyes locked with mine again.

"Hey you."

She didn't say more than that, waiting for me to wake up a little.

"Hey yourself." Ah, there it is. The die-hard chain-smoker voice got through and I'm not sure if she actually understood me, before her smile brightened a little. Her hand went back to tucking the stubborn strands of hair behind my ear.

"How are you feeling?"

I refused to move, because that would mean that Chloe would stop what she was doing and I enjoyed it way too much for that to happen.

"Better, thanks." My voice still sounded like I hadn't used it in forever.

"Your tea is ready, you should drink a little bit, it will help. The soup is nearly ready too."

I hummed and stretched for the cup of tea, still refusing to move my head. The moment my fingers closed around the warm ceramic, Chloes hand disappeared and I had to swallow the disappointment I felt following the action. I felt Chloes eyes on me the whole time while I lifted my head to actually sip the hot beverage.

"Are you okay? I mean, what's bothering you? You look so stressed."

My body stiffened and I nearly choked on the tea. Chloe just asked me the question I tried to avoid, but it would be my chance to tell her, to let her know what's going on. My head began to spin again and I desperately tried to search for an answer, a way to just let it all out. It's not even been a whole day and I already feel myself caving under the pressure. I don't know what to do, where's Stacie? She would know what to do, Jesse doesn't even know yet! Isn't it bad enough that I cheated on him already? Wouldn't telling Chloe first mean that I'm betraying him even more? But then again, Chloe would be there.. She had been for the last three years and I'm sure that she wouldn't just ditch me because I'm pregnant. Right?

"Beca?.."

My eyes shot up to meet her lighter ones. "I-" was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. The breakfast club theme started to play and my heart sank even further. Of course, now of all times did he have to call. Chloe still stared at me, I felt her eyes following my slightly shaking hand - god, I hope she hadn't noticed – as I picked up my phone, staring at Jesses goofy grin flashing across my screen. My throat went dry again and my breath hitched. I couldn't face it, couldn't face _them_. Both of them. Chloe right in front of me and Jesse only a finger-swipe away.

"Aren't you going to take it?"

Chloes eyebrows were furrowed and she seemed a little annoyed, probably due to the continuing ringtone. My hand gripped the cup a little tighter and I muttered a quiet "right" before I answered his call, keeping an eye on Chloe and looking anywhere but her at the same time.

"Hey! What's up?" I tried to keep my voice calm, to hide the trembling that passed through my body and the fear that had a hold on every single organ inside of me.

" _Hey Becs. I wanted to ask you out on a date tonight. We haven't been spending that much time together recently and I thought it would be great. Just the two of us, a restaurant and afterwards we'll see?"_

If possible, I think my heart just stopped. I can't go out with him, not like this, not with this mess! Not when I actually told Stacie that I don't even love him! I'm the worst, I'm leading him on like a selfish bitch..

"Umm, I'm sorry Jesse, I can't go out with you tonight. I think I ate something wrong and I should keep it slow for the rest of the day." _Liar!_

" _Oh.. Okay. Are you alright? I could be over in a few minutes. Do you need anything? I could go and grab you some medicine?"_

No! Don't be so nice! Stop it, I don't deserve it!

"No I-.. it's okay. Chloe's here. It's probably over by tomorrow, don't worry. I'll call you later?"

There was a short silence on the other line before Jesse replied.

" _Yeah, sure.. I'll probably come over later on either way. Just want to make sure that you're really fine. See you later Beca, and tell Chloe that she better keep an eye on my girl, love you!"_

"Ah yeah, you too.." Did I really end the call with that sentence right now? I couldn't even say that I love him.. I mean of course, I recently discovered that I don't, at least not in that way. But he must be worried now. More than he probably already is because of my 'sorry, I'm so sick I can't even go and meet you' lie. Is that how it's supposed to be from now on? Lying to everyone? It's the first day and I'm seriously losing my mind..

"Is there a problem? Did you two fight?"

I nearly laughed at the irony. I totally forgot about Chloe for a second.

"No.. No we're not fighting. At least I don't think so. I've been to rude, right?"

A plate of soup and a spoon were placed in front of me and Chloes features softened, looking nearly sympathetic now.

"No, it's okay. You're having a bad day. Everyone has them sometimes." She looked away and her face returned to being thoughtful. She bit her lower lip, as if she wanted to refrain herself from saying something. I eyed her for a second before picking up the spoon and carefully dipping it into the soup. Chloe choose that moment to turn back around, her eyes focused on me.

"Did you ever, you know.. Did you ever tell him?"

I stopped moving again, I definitely didn't see that one coming. I really began to wonder how much more I can take before my mind shuts down. All of this on and off with the anxiety and stress can't be healthy.. My spoon sank back into the soup and I loosened my grip on the metal.

"I- no. It never, I mean, I never told him. I am too afraid of the consequences.."

Chloe bit her lip again and crossed her arms, her head turned to look out of the window before she took a few deep breaths.

"Do you regret it? Do you regret that I've.. you know.. been your first?"

Where were all of these questions coming from? Chloe seemed actually insecure right now. I've never seen her like this before. Why would she think that I regret what happened between us? Sure, it made things awkward sometimes, and the whole cheating on my boyfriend thing is just added stress.. But I never would regret that night, even if I ended up pregnant. Which she doesn't know yet..

Chloe stared at the floor, her bottom lip trembled a little and she moved from one leg to the other, I only realized what she was doing because shortly after I lifted my gaze to answer her, she took a shaky breath and moved slightly forward, trying to pass by the counter and probably leave the room. I grabbed her arm, panicking. She couldn't go now, if she left, things would get even more complicated than they already were. I had to at least try and lessen the damage that just didn't seem to stop.

"Don't leave! Please.."

Her head whipped to the left, I could only see the back of her head like that. But her shoulders shook a little and I knew her long enough by now to know that she cried or at least tried to hold back the tears.

"Chloe, look at me. Please." She didn't react, but I couldn't stop now, she at least had the right to know what I think about that night.

"I would never, do you hear me? _Never_ regret what happened between us. It may have been the worst thing I ever did considering the fact that I have a boyfriend, but I would do it again. You are important to me, very much so. Please don't think I would regret the time we spent together, you were perfect. I wouldn't want to have it any other way. So please, look at me."

Her shoulders stopped shaking halfway through my speech, but she still seemed hesitant, so I tucked her arm lightly towards me and it did the trick. Chloe turned around, tear tracks visible on her cheeks and her eyes a little red. It still looked like she didn't believe me completely, so I did what she always did when I felt bad, I opened my arms and smiled encouragingly at her. The redhead nearly flew into my arms and buried her head in the crock of my neck. I engulfed her and rubbed her back with one hand while the other held her closer to me by her neck.

"Did you hear me? I regret nothing, because there is nothing to regret. You didn't do anything wrong and most of all nothing that I didn't want to happen."

I felt her nod and her arms around me tightened a little. I thought that she would never start talking again, when she did just that.

"I-I've been so afraid to lose you. I thought-" she sniffed a little before continuing "I thought that you regretted it. That you wished it would have never happened. I mean, I would've understood, but it did hurt a little, you know? The thought of you regretting something that I enjoyed so _much_.. When you were gone in the morning, I didn't know what to make of it. I thought that we would maybe talk about it and see what it meant. But we never talked about it, not even once! And it's been a whole month since then!"

I didn't know that it bothered her that much.. I always thought that it was just another one-time thing for her.. Of course not exactly like all the others, because we do share a deeper bond, at least that's what I think. She's at least my best friend, after all. But I never would've guessed that she thought about it that much. I always thought that Chloe being Chloe just saw the best in it and continued like before. The hand holding her neck traveled up a bit to gently run through her hair.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that it bothered you like that? You usually tell me everything.."

"I didn't want to be difficult. You had Jesse to worry about and I felt guilty for letting it go so far, for being responsible that you cheated on your boyfriend. I felt so bad.."

"Oh Chloe.."

I thought about my next words for a while, turning them over and considering not telling her at all. But it had to be done anyways, and this was as good an opportunity as any other. I took a deep breath before exhaling, making Chloes hair flying around a little.

"I want to break up with Jesse."

The redhead stiffened before pulling away, eyeing me incredulously.

"What? Why?!"

I let go of her and sat back a little, a hand running through my probably already deserted hair while Chloe wiped the rest of the tears away.

"I just- I think it's for the best. I realized that things aren't working out for me anymore. I'm not saying that Jesse isn't great! He's probably the best boyfriend you could ever ask for, but it's just not working for me. I couldn't even tell him that I love him when he called just now! I like him, a lot. But those feelings weren't love. At least not like that.. I know that now. He's like a brother, the one that's always there for you, looking out for you and trying to make you smile even though you aren't in the mood. I'm sure that this is the reason we never slept together, it didn't feel right.. But I know that breaking up with him could break _him_. And I don't want to hurt Jesse, he's always been good to me, and never asked for anything in return. I can't continue like I don't know what I know now. I don't know what to do.."

I wrung my hands, trying to look anywhere but Chloe. She probably stared at me, processing anything I just blurted out, ordering the information in her head. A warm hand covered both of mine and squeezed lightly.

"Beca, I know that you think it isn't fair to him and it probably isn't.. But you not telling him what you're feeling and leading him on with doing so will hurt him even more. Imagine what it would be like for him to find out that his girlfriend doesn't love him, but is maintaining their relationship because she pitied him."

She was right, and I hated the fact that she was. I know that I had to tell him, about us, about the baby.. And I know that with doing so, I would probably destroy his heart. Jesse would've forgiven me for cheating, because I've been drunk and I'm sure that if I told him, he would say that it hurt and that he needs time, but that he still loves me. But telling him that I cheated on him _and_ don't love him anymore, coupled with the fact that I'm pregnant due to the circumstances is too much. Even for the most loving and forgiving person..

"I have to tell him, don't I?"

Chloe smiled sadly and squeezed my hands once more, her eyes overflowing with sympathy. "I'm afraid so."

"Do you think that there's a way for me to make it easier for him? Telling him without hurting him too much?"

The redheads smile never left her face when she shook her head, crushing the last bit of hope I had.

"He said he's coming over later, I should tell him then, shouldn't I?"

"It would be for the best to get everything in the clear as soon as possible. But you should do what you feel comfortable with and if that means not telling him for a few more days, than that's okay too."

That woman surprised me so often already, I thought that she wouldn't be able to do it again. But I guess that Chloe is a woman full of surprises and opinions. What would she do if she knew that I'm not telling her something too? That her last statement hit home closer than she probably could imagine?

"Thanks Chlo, for always being there and being honest with me. I appreciate it, don't forget that."

I just had to remind her, before I told her the whole truth. I'm not ready to do it just yet, because I have to sort it out myself first. But I want to be sure that she knows that I'm grateful for her and what she's doing.

"Hey Shorty, loverboy just got here. He wanted to check in and see how you were doing."

Fat Amy stood in the doorway, her eyes skimming over the scene in front of her before raising an eyebrow, making a high-pitched "okaaaaay" sound and throwing a thumb over her should.

"Should I tell him to come back later? Or is it alright for me to let him through? Because he's kind of already inside the house."

I felt the previously dispersed panic beginning to rise again. But before it got out of hand, Chloe squeezed my hands one last time before letting go and standing up.

"I guess I'll see you later Becs, if you want to talk, you know where to find me."

Amy watched the redhead who shot her a smile before disappearing out of sight. The blonde turned back around and eyed me.

"You alright BM? Is your stomach still making problems?"

I nearly laughed at the question. _Problems.._ There's a human growing in there, but otherwise I'm fine.

"Everything's cool Amy. Where's Jesse?"

The blonde sobered up immediately and threw her thumb over her shoulder once more.

"Just down the hall. He's the one standing beside the door like a lost puppy. I think you should hurry there, he could be enchanted by the few of my ass, you know? And he's not exactly the kind of guy I want me to follow around. He's way too innocent to cope with all of that."

The blonde gestured over her body while stepping out of the room, leaving me by myself. I guess I won't ever get to eat my soup and should face the inevitable head on now. A few more deep breaths and my racing heart slowed down a little again. Jesse stood - as Amy said - beside the door, his eyes lightened up as soon as he saw me.

"Beca! Hey! I'm so glad to see you up and about. How are you feeling?"

He crossed the last bit of distance between us and engulfed me in his arms, giving me a gentle hug. He really was the perfect boyfriend..

"Hey Jess. I'm feeling good. Let's get up to my room?"

"Sure. I even brought a few movies, just in case you felt bad enough to even consider watching one."

I couldn't help the smile that tucked at the corner of my mouth. "Nerd.."

We walked up to my room in silence. I gestured for Jesse to sit down on my bed while I started to walk in lines in front of him.

"Is.. Everything okay?"

I stopped to take a look at him, ruffling my hair once again - seriously, I'm going to rip it all out at some point - and took another deep breath. Now or never..

"We need to talk."

The boy looked taken aback, shaking his head twice and shuffling around on the bed before his whole attention was on me again.

"Did something happen?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and gathered as much courage as I could at the moment. Reminding me that if I didn't do it now, I would probably never get another chance like this and the consequences could be much direr. I turned around, afraid of seeing his reaction. I know, I'm pathetic..

"I can't be your girlfriend anymore." I just blurted it out without batting an eye. Smooth Mitchell, really.. Can someone actually be any more insensitive?! "I mean, it's not because of you, I know that everyone says that, but I really mean it! You are like the perfect boyfriend. I couldn't have wished for a better one, but I don't love you. At least not like that. I'm so sorry Jesse. I mistook the feelings I had towards you as love, while I now know that it wasn't love as in relationship-worthy-love, but more of an you-are-the-person-that-is-making-me-smile-without-even-trying-love. I swear that I never wanted to hurt you. I don't want to lose you! I'm so, so, so terribly sorry.."

He didn't say a word. The silence that filled the room was deafening. I expected him to start crying, maybe even yelling. But he just did _nothing_.

"Jesse? I'm _sorry_ , please, say something."

He stared at the wall behind me, his hands hanging useless between his thighs. He blinked once before his eyes turned right, finally meeting mine. I felt it pierce my heart, his pain, it stood written all over his eyes..

"How long?" he didn't say anything more. What did he mean?

"I'm sorry?"

"How long since you know that?" Oh..

"I realized it just recently. I told you as soon as I knew, I didn't want to lie to you. Not more than I already did without noticing. You have to believe me, I didn't want any of this."

He nodded a few times, the left corner of his mouth slightly pulled down. His hands smacked his thighs before he stood up, facing me.

"That.. Was surprising. I mean, it seriously took you three years to realize that? I have to process all of this. I can't.. I can't face you right now."

He turned towards the stairs, his gaze back to the floor and his voice racked with pain. I turned around, I couldn't bear to watch him go, knowing that I was the cause of his behavior hurt. His - considering the circumstances - calm behavior was unnerving. He should be screaming at me, yelling that I was an ungrateful bitch that lied to him for three years. But he just said that he needed time and that he couldn't face me right now. It didn't feel right, not that it ever has, but his reaction made me feel even worse. I could've handled screaming, accusations, heck, he could've slapped me and I would've deserved it. I stole him three years of his life!

"Did any of it ever mean something to you?"

I spun around, Jesse had his hand on top of the stair-rail, his gaze still firmly fixed on the ground. My heart broke even more and I started crying without even realizing that my vision had been blurred.

"Of course it did." My voice broke and I took a step forward, towards him. His head shot up to meet my eyes after the movement and I could see the tears swimming within his dark brown orbs. He bit his lip and nodded before turning around and continuing going down the stairs. The moment I heard the door to my room being opened, I knew that I probably wouldn't see him for a very long time. The panic began to rise again and I ran to the top of the stairs, screaming one last "I'm sorry!" after him before sinking to the floor. The sobs wracked my body, I just lost one of my best friends. I may have told him the truth and 'disposed' of one of my problems - the smallest one, actually.. - but I lost a friend in the process of doing so. I wondered if that really was the right thing to do. Now I still had to tell the others, but with that last pathetic attempt of mine to stop him from leaving my life, they probably already know that something is up. And I still had to tell them about the baby.. I couldn't lose any more friends, because losing Jesse felt horrible and knowing that I could be feeling like this again real soon was frightening. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

* * *

Did Beca do the right thing? What do you think how Chloe is going to react? What should happen next?

Thanks for reading!

P.S.: Please remember to vote! ;)


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